


Alone

by traintobusan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Hurt/Comfort, Idols, Light Angst, M/M, Short, barely edited, ending sucks, i love jaeyong, idk what this is tbh, written while i was very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:49:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21564826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traintobusan/pseuds/traintobusan
Summary: That was the thing about Jaehyun.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 3
Kudos: 55





	Alone

The concert is nice. 

There’s nothing at all off about it, every member is all smiles through the exhaustion of it, the crowd is lively, giving the group energy to go through choreography after choreography, song after song, bouncing around the stage and gaining further screams, louder fanchants.

And Taeyong loves every moment of it, whenever he gets the chance, he stands towards the back of the stage, watching the members of his group bathed in the bright lights above them, watching the flashes from phones in the crowd and the sea of neon green waiting for them. It makes him forget about the tired, dull ache of his limbs, the pounding sensation of his head from the noise in every direction, it makes it all worth every moment of it.

And he swears he’s happy. In that moment, in the blissfulness of it, he’s only happy.

It’s later when he doesn’t feel so sure about it, and he doesn’t know why. It’s when they’re standing in a line in the centre of the large, lengthy stage, each taking turns in speaking to their fans, thanking them for the concert, for everything, that Taeyong doesn’t feel so bright and full of energy anymore, and everything feels heavy.

Doyoung was taking his turn in talking, speaking something along the lines of their fans making every practice worth it, making them feel so at home, when Taeyong starts to cry. When he registers that he’s too late to prevent the tears, soft, stained marks already at his cheeks, he turns to the opposite of the crowd, bringing his hands to his face to brush them away. In doing so, Taeil, beside him, no one on the opposite, as the leader was at the end of the line, seemed to notice, and frowned, stepping closer to the younger, hand taking place at his back.

Taeyong knew the intentions of the touch were good, but something about it felt as if it drew him over the line, maybe that fans were starting to take notice, and Doyoung’s voice sounded distracted. He was definitely crying now, if he couldn’t feel it amongst his face, he’d feel it in his chest, his heart. And the leader doesn’t dare move, face his members or the crowd, trying his best to mask it all, a hand covering his face, posture slightly leaned down. He hears Taeil mutter something to Mark beside him, and then Doyoung isn’t talking at all, and the crowd is screaming louder, they’d definitely taken notice now.

Someone is in front of him, he can recognise before he even looks to their face, he knows it’s Jaehyun, he knows Taeil and Mark had gotten him from the opposite end of the line, because no one understands him better, calms him the way that the younger does. There’s a hand at his back again too, he thinks it’s no longer Taeil, but he can’t tell. It didn’t even feel as if he had moved, but he was in Jaehyun’s arms within a moment, and his head was at the taller’s shoulder, and he was sobbing now, the kind that he felt through his entire body, that ached his chest and made it hard to breathe.

The crowd had fallen quieter, assumedly out of surprise. It wasn’t like the leader, to break down on stage like this for no apparent reason, to let himself appear so weak. He tries not to focus on anything but the way Jaehyun’s arm is around him, other hand at the back of his head, stroking softly through his hair. He determines that it’s Donghyuck behind him, their bright maknae who usually could bring out a smile in any member no matter what. Mark is with him too, trying his best to offer comfort, occasionally mumbling something to the maknae that Taeyong can’t quite hear, nor does he probably want to.

Doyoung, presumably told by staff nearby to do so, continued speaking, although sounded rather reluctant to, Taeyong could practically feel the eyes of the rest of the group on him, and he doesn’t blame them. He’s the leader, he should be the last to do something like this. He’s supposed to be strong, he needs to be, for every other member, the one they look up to, the one they come to, not the one falling apart on stage, in front of thousands of fans. 

The thoughts make Taeyong pull away from Jaehyun, just slightly, and instead lean down to the floor, somewhat squatting, although his legs feel weak and he can’t imagine himself maintaining the position for long. Jaehyun follows of course, leaning beside him and letting his hand draw circles on the leader’s back. 

Taeyong tried his best to even his breathing, or at least slow it a little, something to help calm himself, but nothing seemed to work, even with Jaehyun there, he couldn’t seem to get himself to slow down, only feeling as if he was crying harder. He felt so weak, so defeated. A pathetic excuse of a leader, like he was giving all those awful articles that seemed to surface every few months a newfound purpose, a truthfulness to them. More than anything, Taeyong felt alone. Such a thing felt impossible, from the perspective of another, how can someone who’s known by millions, barely on their own for more than a few minutes in a day, feel alone? It wouldn’t make sense to anyone but himself, but he did, there, on the stage in the tears he hadn’t cried in months, with thousands of fans, he felt alone. Why did he even deserve them? This, any of it. The fans, crowds, performances and concerts, the members or the leader status alone, why should he have all of it if he felt this way, if he was so weak?

The lack of indication that Taeyong was calming made Jaehyun look over to the rest of the group, giving a questioning look if he should take the older backstage to help him, more than might be effective on a stage like this. Receiving nods, some a little unsure, he returned them with one of his own, and gently tapped at Taeyong’s side, getting him to stand.

It only made Taeyong feel weaker, fragile, but he didn’t argue, he’d likely already embarrassed himself, caused enough alarm in fans, future posts and articles. So he let Jaehyun take him, snake his arm around the older’s waist and guide him off of the stage, further from the noise of the crowd and the blinding lights. 

Backstage, the leader knew where Jaehyun was taking him, most likely to one of the rooms to sit or get something to drink, but he couldn’t. Walking felt like a chore and he knew the inevitable question of what had happened was approaching, and he didn’t know an answer, everything he tried to form into words felt pathetic and inexcusable. 

So he stopped, in the middle of the infinite seeming hallway they passed through, and just turned into the younger male’s arms, where he stayed. Jaehyun sensed it, that Taeyong didn’t want to speak, didn’t want anything of the sort, so he let the other stay silent, offering small, soothing touches whenever he felt like they might help.

And they stayed there.

Until Taeyong didn’t feel alone anymore, until he felt like he had some control of his tears, until his heartbeat slowed and his breathing evened. 

That was the thing about Jaehyun. 

Taeyong could be in a crowd of thousands, but with Jaehyun, alone in an empty, plain hallway, he felt more loved and cared for than ever before. He didn’t feel weak or empty in his arms.

That was why Taeyong loved Jaehyun.

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t know if i’ll keep this up but i haven’t published anything in like a month so!
> 
> [my cc! leave requests or feedback if you like](https://curiouscat.me/CHENJl)


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